Monday got me like…

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Why are  Mondays so horrible?? No matter how happy I am on a sunday night, pleased about a nice weekend, and forcing my brain to think: I-will-jump-out-of-bed-when-my-alarm-rings-and-be-so-freakin-happy, Mondays are still just CRAPPY.

It is SO hard to get out of bed on Mondays. And the day is just extra long, extra boring, and extra crap so to speak.

Actually there might be some scientific reasons for this..hmm…

1. SLEEP PATTERNS

They say our minds are slaves to our body clocks. So if you like me, like to “catch up” on sleep on weekends – you just confuse your body clock and mess you up! The extra sleep you get on weekends makes you more tired at the start of the week, because it can throw your body clock off, and this makes it even harder to get up on a Monday.

(Will this news make me give up on my lie in’s in the weekend? Heeell no! )

2. SUDDEN CHANGE

Scientists have found that when you ask people to record their emotions at regular intervals, it turns out that Mondays are no more stressful or depressing than Tuesdays or Wednesdays. But switching from ‘happy-go-lucky’-Sunday to ‘work-day’-Monday is apparently  a larger emotional shift, and will therefore feel a lot worse than for example from a monday to a tuesday. Fridays come out as “the best day” because we are anticipating the weekend, but other than that – all workdays are actually equally terrible..haha.

4. YOU FEEL WORSE ABOUT YOURSELF

For most people, including myself, an average weekend might include more eating and drinking than normal. Which leads to feeling guilty and bad about yourself. Which again leads you to consider starting a diet or something like that. While that is a positive change, it isn’t fun to actually do, and it comes from a place of feeling bad about yourself and your health, which contributes to that blah Monday feeling.

I also read somewhere that Mondays are the most common day for people to suffer heart attacks and strokes!! And also they say that your blood pressure is higher on Mondays, as is your chance of getting sick in general.

No wonder we hate mondays!!

6. YOU DON’T LIKE YOUR JOB

According to a huge american Gallup poll, 70 percent of people hate or, don’t like their job. This contributes to what psychiatrists and career coaches call the “Monday Blues.” Feelings of depression and anxiety can start on Sunday night, leading to an unproductive Monday. I for one recognise that feeling.

But for me – I actually quite like my  job, but I dislike working in general..haha. If I could retire today, I probably would! I am and will always be – pretty darn lazy! So if I could have 7 Sundays in a row every week, I wouldn’t mind it!

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7 ways to a happier and healthier life

How I can give advice on a happy life, who is such a negative and miserable person, you ask? Well, I have done my fair share of research about the subject, and I am pretty confident that these things can make your life a little better (or at least not worse!). These are the things that I am working on to try and have the best life I can right now.

Exercise

It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you do something! Did you know that sitting still is worse than smoking? As for myself, I work from home and if I am not aware, I can sit still for most of the day without moving at all. This does not make me feel good, and if I have a day like that I feel rotten inside. But, it is easy to avoid! Take a walk, do some Yoga, or just some stretching, go for a run, or go to the gym. I have never in my whole life regretted a workout, and I don’t think I have ever been in a bad mood after an exercise. For real!! Give it a try, and see how it makes you feel. For me exercise is natural antidepressants.

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Sleeping

Good sleep is essential to feeling good, at least in my book. A bad nights sleep can ruin my day. And a few nights in a row – even worse. For the most part of my adult life I have had some issues with sleeping. I take forever to fall asleep. I can be dread tired all day long, and as soon as its bed time I am wide awake! As soon as I turn the lights off, my brain switches on full speed. Extremely annoying, and really hard to turn around. Believe me I have tried!! But, there are a lot of advice out there on how to switch off your brain for bedtime, and how to sleep better. I recommend a google search, and try out what works for you.

As for me I have found a temporary solution that actually works for the time being (hurray!). I found it in the book ‘The power of now’ by Eckhart Tolle. Recommended!

Logging off

This is something I need to get better at myself. I spend way too much time in front of a screen, either being my computer, Ipad or phone. I stare at the screen for about 8 hours everyday for work, and then I spend a lot of my spare time doing the same. Like writing this blog, reading other blogs, watching tv-series, or just scrolling through social media. I am used to constant stimulation from electric devices, and as soon as I have 5 seconds to spare, I grab my phone to “check if something’s happened”. I try to force myself off this habit, and I have for example deleted the Facebook app from my phone. Instead of spending time on the internet, I think it’s good to log off and do other stuff. Like just listening to some music while reading, drawing or writing (with an actual pen on an actual piece of paper!). Colouring books for adults is a great way to log off and take a timeout. Or go for a walk. Call a friend. Maybe some meditation? I’m not very experienced on this, but sometimes I test some guided meditation sessions that I find with my good friend Google. This one I tried the other day, and it made me feel pretty good. Why don’t  you give it a go: 10 Minutes To Positive Thinking: Guided Meditation

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Conversations

As an introvert, talking is not my strong suite. I like listening more than talking, and I can find it hard to communicate in words. That’s why I like to write instead, and always used to write long letters and emails to friends/boyfriends/family if there was something I needed to say. But… I do like to have conversations about deeper things, although it happens rarely. To talk about the universe, the meaning of life, love, feelings, the world, religion or what not, is something that I enjoy. But only if I feel safe and confident, and with the right person in the right setting. But, I want to try to do it more often, and become more comfortable with it. Its great to open your mind as you think, talk and discuss. I think it can give you great pleasure at a deeper level.

Beeing social

Puuuh… this is also a hard one for me at times. I am very happy in my own company, and would much rather be on my own that with people I don’t know very well. You can read more about my social awkwardness in my earlier blogpost here. But, it’s no secret that near relations does a lot for one’s happiness. This I realise. And there is no better thing than to enjoy time in company of good friends or family with good food and wine. That is definitely one of my favorite things to do.

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Hugs and kisses

Research actually shows that hugging is extremely effective at healing sickness, disease, loneliness, depression, anxiety and stress. How wonderful is that! Me for one loves hugs and cuddles. One of my favorite thing is to go to bed snuggling up to my boyfriend, and waking up in the same way. I have recently read that hugs are a lot like meditation and laughter. They all help us to be present in the moment,  to get you out of circular thinking patterns and connect with your heart and your feelings.

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Positive thinking

This might sound as a bit of a cliche, but I can only speak for myself, and this has helped me alot. I’m naturally quite a negative person, and it is so easy for me to go on a downward spiral of negative thoughts. To dig myself a big hole, crawl into it and bade in my own misery. But to identify your negative thoughts is the first step towards letting it go, so that is step one. I try to be a lot more aware of my own thoughts, and if I find myself being negative I try to turn it around, or think about something else. To be grateful is also a good help to overcome negative thoughts. Every night I try to think about what I am grateful for from that day, and what I have to look forward to the next day. Or, if nothing else works; Fake it ’til you make it! 

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A superficial girl in a superficial world

Long, thick hair with Hollywood curs. Styled to perfection.
Flawless skin and makeup on fleek. No wrinkles or signs of ageing.
Slim, toned body. Not too skinny, not the slightest sign of too much fat.
Breasts not too be confused with mountains, but neither to raisins.
Stylish cool clothes that fit and suits your body. Preferably from a known high end brand. An oversized bag to match. From Louis Vuitton.

According to television, magazines, bloggers, celebrities, Instagram, … well… the world.. that is how you should appear. At least that is how I have perceived it, and in my head that is the image of “the perfect woman”.

Although I do not normally see me as very superficial person, I have come to realise that I in fact am. I now, and have through out my life, spent ALOT of time thinking of my appearance. Or more, complaining about my appearance.

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I am to fat, my nose is too big, I have no cheekbones, my hair is too straight and flat, my complexion is too fair, I never get a tan, my nails never grow, my boobs are too small, my hips are to wide, I have too  many wrinkles, I look old, I feel ugly.

When I think about all the time I have wasted on these stupid thoughts I feel sad. Sad for my self, and sad to think I am hardly alone. Sad to think about the girls growing up today, with social media pushed in their faces 24/7.

Why isn’t there more focus on peoples insides? We humans are so much more than our looks. What about what goes on on the other side of us? Our personality, our compassion, kindness to others, acceptance of each other, the connection with our selves and our minds. Our thoughts, ideas, meanings and  values.

I wish I had spent alot more time throughout my life thinking more about those kind of things. Instead of wasting my time and energy on something that is so unimportant in the big picture, and beside, something that is absolutely unachievable .

As I am now actually 32 years old, and considered to be an adult. I really should know better. But the truth is… I still spend a lot of time thinking about my looks. About the fact that I still haven’t reached my goal for the perfect bikini body, even though I have spent countless hours in the gym (usually followed by a fiest of pick n mix, alcohol, pizza and biscuits. Go figure!), and  always chosen the low fat yoghurt. I spend time being sad about the fact that I will never again be young and beautiful. My time as young and irresponsible has past. From now on it only goes one way……

As you can see I am extremely positive about my future..haha. No, seriously… at least I am now aware of the stupidity of these thoughts. That at least is a step in the right direction…and maybe there is hope for me after all.

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To all the girls growing up today……. I wish you luck.

And hope you are smarter and stronger than I was.

 

Looking for something…

I spend alot of time thinking about life.
Probably too much for my own good.

I  think, and I worry. And I think and I worry, and I think. I am so afraid of loosing out, of missing something essential that I was supposed to discover. Maybe the one thing that will change my life is just out there waiting for me. I believe that there is something else about life that I have yet to see. To understand.  And I am spending so much time thinking about this, but the more I think about it, the faster time goes.. and the  faster time goes, the more stressed I get. Stressed about not finding it in time. Of wasting precious time that I should/could spend on something else!

I read about people who have “found” this something…They feel good about their life, and feel balanced with nature and with them selves. I envy them.

They say they finally understand. Understand how the univers talks to them, and how to always follow their instinct. Understand how the instinct is always right when you just decide to listen. That you just need to listen. Just listen….

But all I can hear are my own bloody thoughts!  

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But the worst feeling of all, is the fear of one day waking up realising I have wasted my life looking for something I will never find. Regretting not just “living in the moment”, and enjoying life as much as I can while I am alive.

Maybe I should go to a Yoga/meditation retreat for a few weeks. Take a step back from life. Away from mobile phones and internet. Away from all the impressions you get from social media every day. To have time just with your own thoughts and actually have time to think, and reconnect with yourself.

Or maybe I should just delete Facebook.

That wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Its horrible how much time I spend scrolling down the stupid feed, realising afterwords I saw absolutely nothing interesting at all. But still I feel addicted to it. Doing the same thing every day. So scared of missing something!!
I did delete alot of the people I was friends with, hoping to get less uninteresting crap in my newsfeed. But, actually it only made it worse! Now Facebook has to dig even deeper into the uninteresting world to find something to show me. Oh! Newsflash! My old friend’s uncle’s daughter’s friend has a new profile picture! Or, my old work colleague likes a picture of her friend’s daughter. Bloody hell, it drives me crazy!

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As I work with Facebook and social media I probably shouldn’t delete it all completely. But maybe I can make some rules for myself… Only allowed to check Facebook once a day?? Do you think that would work??

I think maybe less distractions from this media world could bring me closer to finding this something that I talk about. Less time connecting with the online world, and more time connecting with myself. 

24th of January, 2016

Dear diary…

Tonight I went to the cinema with mum. We saw “Mannen fra Snåsa”.
It was… nice. I cried the whole time. I got so moved and touched by this man. He is just good all the way through. All he wants is to help people. He says, like so many others: You just have to focus on the good. On the positive.

That is what I am trying to do, but it is so hard.

I don’t understand when I became such a negative person. How did it happen?

I desperately want something…more..but what?
This life. It has to be something more?

The brain, the body, the world, the universe. I am sure there is something “more”. But what path should you take? How do  you really know what you want? Without anyone else’s influence?

I need to really feel. Without any interruptions. I want to walk in the woods. I want to go to the cabin, just me. Just to be. Without interruptions from anything or anyone. Silence. Boredom? Only me and my thoughts. Make a fire, think, be.

Yes, I think that would be good. Maybe this weekend…

Listening to Unni Wilhelmsen. Its nice. I am happy with today. I am scared for the future. Money…sucks.
It controls your life….

In your own head.. Weird. Long time since last time.
Put away that stupid phone.
I cant stand it. Life?!?
Not worth wasting time.

Focus. Music. Think. Exercise. Walk. Run. Be outside. Forrest. Nature. Air. Be alone. No interruptions. Patience. Faith. Yoga. Breath. Stretch. Waves. Beach. Sunset. Look. Think. Be present in your own life. Your self.

Think. Here and there. Up and down. Dark. Heavy. What. How. What is the point – the meaning. Don’t understand. Are you supposed to be positive all the time?? Is it really possible? How… I wonder.

Sad. Thoughtful. Confused. Wistfully….a bit.
Help. What even matters.

Goodness. The good. wins. Be good.

 

A day in a life…

I can feel the sun on my face…
The room is no longer dark, and the morning light sweeps over the room.
This is how I wake up. The sun rising and peeking through my blinds in my bedroom window. There is no better way to be woken. No beeping alarm. No harsh interruption of dreams. No feeling of being deprived of sleep you so desperately need.

No, this is how a morning is supposed to start. Calm and nice. Just the sun kissing your skin and slowly bringing you back from the land of dreams. I open my eyes and look across the bed. He is still asleep. I look at his peaceful face and smile. And secretly thank the heavens that he doesn’t snore at all.

I get out of bed and stretch my body while I yawn. Even though I woke up by myself, it is still early morning. Just the way I like it. This time of day when everyone else is asleep, and the world seems like a peaceful place.

I look at the fluffy little thing lying in the corner of the room. Little sounds come from this tiny creature and I can tell he’s dreaming. Maybe of chasing birds down the beach? I sit down next to his bed and gently stroke his head. He is so soft and warm. His eyes open and I swear he is smiling at me. Good morning Fudge, I say. Come, lets get up. He crawls out of his bed and we walk out to the kitchen.

I make myself a cup of coffee and prepare some food for the little guy. We like to have our mornings out on the balcony, so we go out and take our regular places. Me in the swing chair and he – where ever the bowl of food is placed. I look out on the view and the sky is light blue with a sheer blanket of light skies. The ocean deep blue as far as my eyes can see. If I hold my breath I can almost hear the sound of the waves coming up on the beach. A few fishing boats are already out, and a few people are walking their dogs down on the beachfront. But most of the town is still sound asleep.

I finish my coffee and put on some clothes. As I can already feel the heath of the day I only wear a pair of running shorts and a sports top. I put on my new bright yellow Nike’s, glugg down a glass of the smoothie I made last night, and me and Fudge head out the door.

As we make our way down the stairs I wonder if the cafe has opened yet. Some days I leave my keys with Maria if shes there, so I don’t have to run with rattling keys in my pocket. We walk around the corner, and I can already hear the high pitched laughter I know. Hola Maria, I shout, and I have to smile just looking at this tiny Spanish lady in front of me. She greets me with a big smile and a kiss on my cheek. Hola guapa, she says. Going for a run today? Do you want a cafe con leche before you go? I turn down the coffee, but leave my keys and promises to have one on my way back.

We go on our usual morning route down by the beach. Its my favourite place to go running. The sun is already roasting, and I can feel the sweat running down my back. My breathing is heavy and my legs not quite awake, but the thought of a refreshing dip in the sea on the way back makes me determined to go a bit faster. 8 km later I am back on the beach. I throw my shoes and my shorts off, and both me and Fudge run out in the sea as fast as we can. The water feels so great, and I feel awake and alive.

A shower and a breakfast later I am sat by my big rosewood desk in the open living room. I look up from my computer and get lost in the view for a moment. I look out over the seafront, the waves coming in from the endless ocean. The sky is intensely blue and the bright big sun reflects in the ocean making me squint. I think back on the previous years and it makes me proud and happy to think that it was all worth it in the end.
Ok, back to work. I need to finish this brochure for Lillelam before I can call it a day.

Hey, how bout an early-bird mojito? Chris shouts from the kitchen. I look at my watch and realise it is already 4 o’clock. Shit, better get ready. They will be here in just a few hours. I shut my computer of and walk in to the kitchen. The whole kitchen smells of rum and mint. Chris has started preparing for tonight’s dinner, including his speciality, Mojitos. Thank god one of us is talented in the kitchen-department. I can’t cook for my life! I give him a quick kiss, take a sip of my drink, and head for the roof.

I love this space we have up here. A big terrace with an spectacular view. Big comfy sofa’s, swing chairs and sunbeds, a big barbecue, and in the corner the awesome bamboo bar Chris made us. Perfectly finished with all the cushions, candles and fairy lights I managed to put up. It does look amazing if I can say so my self. And especially at night when you can see all the lights from the city below us, the big moon and billions of stars.

I set the big dining table and put out the chairs we need. 10 of us for dinner tonight! Maria and a few of here friends are coming too. It will be a big mix of Spanish, Norwegian and English. Just the way we like it. Shortly the Norwegian crowd will arrive from the airport, and it will be heavenly to see them again. I can’t believe I managed to get both my brother and my friends to come for this weekend. Perfect timing!

I take Fudge out for a quick walk while I pick up some last minute supplies. The little shop around the corner doesn’t have the biggest selection of food, but half the shop is filled up with Spanish wine and spirits. I buy a few extra bottles of our favourite cava. Doesn’t hurt to have a few spare. Knowing my friends they will be more than happy to drink us out of the house!

Party dress on, and my favourite Jimmy Choo high heeled sandals. One of the first things I bought when I got my first big pay check from my graphic design business. I love them. They remind me of what we have accomplished. And a girl has to have proper shoes!!
Ding-dong! Here they are!! I run down to the front door and I am so excited I could cry! I squash them all with hugs and kisses, and can’t believe they are all here! I show them to their rooms, and before they know it they each have a cold mojito in their hands and we’re up at the roof enjoying the sunshine and our company.

Everyone is here and the barbecue is on. Soon the smell of Chris special steaks fill the air and we’re almost ready for dinner. Laughing and chatting, a great mix of all languages, and everyone seems to be having a great time. I feel so happy to have everyone here, and at this moment I can’t ask for anything else in life. I am completely and utterly happy to the core of my body. Who knew I could feel this way….

 

 

 

The negative mind

Pessimist until proven otherwise…that’s me!

Why are some people optimists and other people can’t see the bright side of life for all the grey skies? Are we born this way, or do we become one or the other or somewhere in between, as we struggle our way through life?

Since I was young I think I have had a pretty grey view on life. Its not as bad as it sounds. But I have never had that extreme life-joy and excitement that some (crazy) people have. You know those people that are generally just happy all the time? People that see the glass half full, and what ever life throws at you – is able to enjoy the small things in life and just be happy. I am the complete opposite; generally grumpy!

Sometimes I think its hard to see the whole point of it all. This whole life thing… what is it really about? What is the meaning of it all? I remember having conversations with a like minded friend when I was a teenager and we could talk for hours about how much we hated growing up, and dreaded being forced into this horrible adult life. (Yes, talk about happy teens!)

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What was the point of living, when you had to do the boring 8-4 job, live only for the weekends, loose your life to some kids, and that was that? I can’t remember at any stage that we actually thought that there were alternativs to this “awful” life. That we actually had a choice to do something different. And I think its sad that I grew up thinking the only option was to do what “everyone” else does. I think kids growing up today are told more often that they can do anything! As long as you work hard and believe in your dreams you can pretty much achieve anything you want. I think that’s great! Not everyone can be Justin Bieber, and get discovered on YouTube (which obviously is what I am aiming for!), but you can pretty much take the education you want, and become what you want. And that is fantastic!

I also of course had the option to take any education I wanted, but I ended up not doing anything. Why is that? Because I didn’t have a clue about what I wanted to do. Nothing seemed tempting or interesting enough, and also I think I saw lots of limitations for my selv. “I would never be able to do that – I wasn’t smart enough to do this – I could never get a job doing that” and so on and so on.

I think one of the secrets to having a happy life is to have a passion…Some sort of hobby or interest that you love spending time on. Something to take you away from the everyday life, and something you can just loose  yourself in. I have always wanted that, so why don’t I have one? I have tried many different things; like dancing, drawing, playing instruments etc. I always gave up because I didn’t think I had any talent. Little did I know, that “talent” usually comes from hard work and practise! I wish I had stuck to one of my interest growing up. But now I am constantly looking for something to become “a passion”. Right now I am testing out yoga and photography. Do you think I will be a passionate yoga-guru in the nearest future??

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I sometimes feel like there is a roof on my scale of emotions. It takes a lot for me to be really happy. When I think I am supposed to feel excited about something, I struggle to actually feel that sense of joy and positivity. For the most times I feel just content or neutral. Why is that? Is it my fault? Am I just lazy? Do most people have to “work” to be happy? I have had my times of feeling sad and depressed in the past, and thankfully I am over that stage. So its not that I feel anything like that. So I’m not blue, I’m more like…..beige. Haha.

Luckily I have a boyfriend that is the complete opposite of me. He is usually the happiest person I know, and is not afraid to show it! He can get so annoyingly excited about the smallest things, there is no end to his positive spirit. It amazes me every day. He is always in a good mood, and never complains about anything. And, to my enormous irritation, he is just a f***** ray of sunshine when he wakes up in the morning!!  (don’t poke the grumpy girl in the morning!). But I am so thankful he is just like he is. He always cheers me up, no matter what and he can (some how??!) stand my constant wining, worrying and negative spirit. He deserves a medal for that!  He is also blest with the entrepreneur gene, which is something I lack. If it wasn’t for Chris I would not have been living in Denmark right now. He is the adventurous kind, and I am lucky enough to enjoy the fruits of that. (both the bitter and the sweet!)

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But lets get one thing clear… this sounds pretty depressing I must admit.. But I am pretty happy now! Negative or not. I am content, and I have hopes and dreams for the future, and I look forward to see what comes next. I’m trying to appreciate what I have, see how lucky I actually am, and that when thinking about it I have no reason at all not be happy and excited. Looking out at the world and seeing everything that is going on out there, I am the crazy one for not thanking the universe everyday for the life that I have. I am constantly trying to work on these feelings, and maybe one day you will see me as the whistling, skipping-down-the-street, so-happy-I-can’t-control-it person.