Looking for something…

I spend alot of time thinking about life.
Probably too much for my own good.

I  think, and I worry. And I think and I worry, and I think. I am so afraid of loosing out, of missing something essential that I was supposed to discover. Maybe the one thing that will change my life is just out there waiting for me. I believe that there is something else about life that I have yet to see. To understand.  And I am spending so much time thinking about this, but the more I think about it, the faster time goes.. and the  faster time goes, the more stressed I get. Stressed about not finding it in time. Of wasting precious time that I should/could spend on something else!

I read about people who have “found” this something…They feel good about their life, and feel balanced with nature and with them selves. I envy them.

They say they finally understand. Understand how the univers talks to them, and how to always follow their instinct. Understand how the instinct is always right when you just decide to listen. That you just need to listen. Just listen….

But all I can hear are my own bloody thoughts!  

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But the worst feeling of all, is the fear of one day waking up realising I have wasted my life looking for something I will never find. Regretting not just “living in the moment”, and enjoying life as much as I can while I am alive.

Maybe I should go to a Yoga/meditation retreat for a few weeks. Take a step back from life. Away from mobile phones and internet. Away from all the impressions you get from social media every day. To have time just with your own thoughts and actually have time to think, and reconnect with yourself.

Or maybe I should just delete Facebook.

That wouldn’t be such a bad idea. Its horrible how much time I spend scrolling down the stupid feed, realising afterwords I saw absolutely nothing interesting at all. But still I feel addicted to it. Doing the same thing every day. So scared of missing something!!
I did delete alot of the people I was friends with, hoping to get less uninteresting crap in my newsfeed. But, actually it only made it worse! Now Facebook has to dig even deeper into the uninteresting world to find something to show me. Oh! Newsflash! My old friend’s uncle’s daughter’s friend has a new profile picture! Or, my old work colleague likes a picture of her friend’s daughter. Bloody hell, it drives me crazy!

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As I work with Facebook and social media I probably shouldn’t delete it all completely. But maybe I can make some rules for myself… Only allowed to check Facebook once a day?? Do you think that would work??

I think maybe less distractions from this media world could bring me closer to finding this something that I talk about. Less time connecting with the online world, and more time connecting with myself. 

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