24th of January, 2016

Dear diary…

Tonight I went to the cinema with mum. We saw “Mannen fra Snåsa”.
It was… nice. I cried the whole time. I got so moved and touched by this man. He is just good all the way through. All he wants is to help people. He says, like so many others: You just have to focus on the good. On the positive.

That is what I am trying to do, but it is so hard.

I don’t understand when I became such a negative person. How did it happen?

I desperately want something…more..but what?
This life. It has to be something more?

The brain, the body, the world, the universe. I am sure there is something “more”. But what path should you take? How do  you really know what you want? Without anyone else’s influence?

I need to really feel. Without any interruptions. I want to walk in the woods. I want to go to the cabin, just me. Just to be. Without interruptions from anything or anyone. Silence. Boredom? Only me and my thoughts. Make a fire, think, be.

Yes, I think that would be good. Maybe this weekend…

Listening to Unni Wilhelmsen. Its nice. I am happy with today. I am scared for the future. Money…sucks.
It controls your life….

In your own head.. Weird. Long time since last time.
Put away that stupid phone.
I cant stand it. Life?!?
Not worth wasting time.

Focus. Music. Think. Exercise. Walk. Run. Be outside. Forrest. Nature. Air. Be alone. No interruptions. Patience. Faith. Yoga. Breath. Stretch. Waves. Beach. Sunset. Look. Think. Be present in your own life. Your self.

Think. Here and there. Up and down. Dark. Heavy. What. How. What is the point – the meaning. Don’t understand. Are you supposed to be positive all the time?? Is it really possible? How… I wonder.

Sad. Thoughtful. Confused. Wistfully….a bit.
Help. What even matters.

Goodness. The good. wins. Be good.

 

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