The negative mind

Pessimist until proven otherwise…that’s me!

Why are some people optimists and other people can’t see the bright side of life for all the grey skies? Are we born this way, or do we become one or the other or somewhere in between, as we struggle our way through life?

Since I was young I think I have had a pretty grey view on life. Its not as bad as it sounds. But I have never had that extreme life-joy and excitement that some (crazy) people have. You know those people that are generally just happy all the time? People that see the glass half full, and what ever life throws at you – is able to enjoy the small things in life and just be happy. I am the complete opposite; generally grumpy!

Sometimes I think its hard to see the whole point of it all. This whole life thing… what is it really about? What is the meaning of it all? I remember having conversations with a like minded friend when I was a teenager and we could talk for hours about how much we hated growing up, and dreaded being forced into this horrible adult life. (Yes, talk about happy teens!)

woods

What was the point of living, when you had to do the boring 8-4 job, live only for the weekends, loose your life to some kids, and that was that? I can’t remember at any stage that we actually thought that there were alternativs to this “awful” life. That we actually had a choice to do something different. And I think its sad that I grew up thinking the only option was to do what “everyone” else does. I think kids growing up today are told more often that they can do anything! As long as you work hard and believe in your dreams you can pretty much achieve anything you want. I think that’s great! Not everyone can be Justin Bieber, and get discovered on YouTube (which obviously is what I am aiming for!), but you can pretty much take the education you want, and become what you want. And that is fantastic!

I also of course had the option to take any education I wanted, but I ended up not doing anything. Why is that? Because I didn’t have a clue about what I wanted to do. Nothing seemed tempting or interesting enough, and also I think I saw lots of limitations for my selv. “I would never be able to do that – I wasn’t smart enough to do this – I could never get a job doing that” and so on and so on.

I think one of the secrets to having a happy life is to have a passion…Some sort of hobby or interest that you love spending time on. Something to take you away from the everyday life, and something you can just loose  yourself in. I have always wanted that, so why don’t I have one? I have tried many different things; like dancing, drawing, playing instruments etc. I always gave up because I didn’t think I had any talent. Little did I know, that “talent” usually comes from hard work and practise! I wish I had stuck to one of my interest growing up. But now I am constantly looking for something to become “a passion”. Right now I am testing out yoga and photography. Do you think I will be a passionate yoga-guru in the nearest future??

tree

I sometimes feel like there is a roof on my scale of emotions. It takes a lot for me to be really happy. When I think I am supposed to feel excited about something, I struggle to actually feel that sense of joy and positivity. For the most times I feel just content or neutral. Why is that? Is it my fault? Am I just lazy? Do most people have to “work” to be happy? I have had my times of feeling sad and depressed in the past, and thankfully I am over that stage. So its not that I feel anything like that. So I’m not blue, I’m more like…..beige. Haha.

Luckily I have a boyfriend that is the complete opposite of me. He is usually the happiest person I know, and is not afraid to show it! He can get so annoyingly excited about the smallest things, there is no end to his positive spirit. It amazes me every day. He is always in a good mood, and never complains about anything. And, to my enormous irritation, he is just a f***** ray of sunshine when he wakes up in the morning!!  (don’t poke the grumpy girl in the morning!). But I am so thankful he is just like he is. He always cheers me up, no matter what and he can (some how??!) stand my constant wining, worrying and negative spirit. He deserves a medal for that!  He is also blest with the entrepreneur gene, which is something I lack. If it wasn’t for Chris I would not have been living in Denmark right now. He is the adventurous kind, and I am lucky enough to enjoy the fruits of that. (both the bitter and the sweet!)

sky

But lets get one thing clear… this sounds pretty depressing I must admit.. But I am pretty happy now! Negative or not. I am content, and I have hopes and dreams for the future, and I look forward to see what comes next. I’m trying to appreciate what I have, see how lucky I actually am, and that when thinking about it I have no reason at all not be happy and excited. Looking out at the world and seeing everything that is going on out there, I am the crazy one for not thanking the universe everyday for the life that I have. I am constantly trying to work on these feelings, and maybe one day you will see me as the whistling, skipping-down-the-street, so-happy-I-can’t-control-it person.

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